relieved, lucky, happy…loved
by kristy87
Summary: Grissom drinks too much and Sara tries to convince him to get a shower to clear his head...GSR


Summary: It's the annual Department Christmas Party...Grissom drinks a lot...Sara brings him up to his room...

Pairing: GS

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I would we wouldn't need fan fic anymore ;)

AN: OOC warning, somehow also fluff warning. ...uhm I was told that it wasn't_ that_ OOC...judge yourself :)

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**relieved, lucky, happy…loved**

It wasjust like it had always been. These parties were always like you were watching an old movie again and again. One of those boring movies...

And just like every year she couldn't find the courage to ask him for a dance…and just likeevery year he was staring at her for a couple of minutes, saying nothing more than "You look nice." And then he turned away...

But this year he wasn't simply sitting down somewhere, staring at his watch every minute, _not_ that she had been staring at him all the time during the last 5 Department Christmas parties…she just knew he had been doing it.

This year he took seat at the bar, ordering one drink after another. She had overheard his conversation with Catherine, she had told him that a couple of their colleagues had booked rooms in the hotel where the party took place. Grissom had probably decided to do the same.

Sara told herself that she shouldn't care about Grissom. He didn't care about her, so why was her heart still clinging on to him as if he was the last blade of grass that kept her from falling down into a dark, black hole. The love she felt for him was what pushed her into the darkness.

But she couldn't help looking at him.

Suddenly he looked up from his drink, their eyes met and she felt as if she was drawn to him. She hadn't even told her feet to move, but she had already made her way trough half the room. When she reached him she smiled softly and insecure.

"Hey.", he cleared his throat.

"Hey."

They remained in silence for a while.

"You want a drink?"

"No…thanks.", _great, I probably just turned him down… I shouldn't be this optimistic...as if he'd ask me to drink something with him...in the way a woman drinks something with a man ..._ "I'm…driving. I mean…I have to drive home tonight."

"I booked a hotel room. I can drink as much as I want.", he said with a weird smile.

She felt incredible uncomfortable. Maybe it was this empty expression in his eyes. Maybe it was that she couldn't make out a reason for his sudden attraction to alcohol. She had never seen him drinking more than one glass of Champaign on those parties.

"I'll…Greg asked me if I'd like to dance with him, so I better…go and search for him now." _Oh yeah, as if he had ever reacted to jealousy…he …even if he would be jealous he wouldn't do anything about it. IF._

"Might be a good idea, I've heard that he's a great dancer."

"Yeah.", she glanced around the room, hoping to spot Greg somewhere, but she couldn't. Warrick seemed to be another option though. "I'll see you later.", she said softly and turned away. It felt worse than uncomfortable to be near him. It wasn't the fact that he was almost drunk, it was more that every time she looked at him it felt as if a knife stabbed her heart over and over again. She loved him, she couldn't deny it, neither to herself not to anybody else…and she just couldn't get over him. After all he had done to her…she _always _tried to remind herself of all the tears she had cried because of him…and then she remembered how he had dried her tears when she had told him about her past. She could never forget that he had been there for her. And he had been there for here after the DUI, after she had been attacked…she always found reasons to justify her love for him to herself.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

About two hours later he was still sitting at the bar, still drinking. Sara didn't know what to do, didn't know if she should go to him again, if she should try to talk to him. All she knew was that she couldn't just stay there and watch him emptying one drink after another.

She took a deep breath and walked over to him.

"Hey.", she said softly.

He didn't seem to notice her. He emptied his drink, his eyes seemed to search points that didn't exist, somewhere in the room.

"Grissom?", she spoke a little louder. "Hey…are you okay?"

"I am.", he said irritated.

"Are…are you sure?"

"Yes."

She swallowed hard. "I think you had enough…you should maybe go up to your room, get a cold shower…clear your head."

"You're speaking as if you're my mother."

_What a compliment._ "C'mon…you don't want to be the main subject of the next months lab gossip, do you?"

She dragged him off his stool. "Can you walk?"

"Sure I can walk! Every human being can walk. Only snakes and fish and…"

"Where's your room key?"

"In my pocket."

She rolled with her eyes. "This suit has more than one pocket."

Suddenly he started walking, leaving her alone. She followed him as fast as she could, her shoes weren't really comfortable to walk in after hours of standing and dancing.

She reached him near to the elevators. "Hey…you could have waited."

"You want to come up to my room with me?"

"I want to make sure that you're going there." _What did I think? Damn! This is embarrassing! Now it looks as if I expected that he and me would…anyways, he drank so much…he wont remember this tomorrow. Hopefully._

"Elevator's there…C'mon follow me.", he said and winked.

She raised an eyebrow. _Oh Great…he thinks that…_

"Hey, Sidle.", a man's voice called her from behind.

She turned around. _Ecklie?_ "Yes?" _What does he want from me?_

"What's up with Grissom?"

"He…uhm…he…"

"Hey Conrad.", Grissom waved to him, leaning against the frame of the elevator to make sure that it's door wouldn't close without him and Sara in it.

Ecklie threw an asking look at Sara. "And I thought you were the one with the alcohol problem."

_WHAT?_ Her mouth dropped open. She would have told Ecklie to screw himself…but she was so shocked that she couldn't get a single word over her lips.

So she decided that he wasn't worth it. She turned around, entered the elevator and leaned back against it's wall.

Grissom stepped back from the door and it closed.

Both remained in silence. Sara wondered what he was thinking. Her eyes met his for a second, but she couldn't stand the tension thatbuilt up between them. This sexual tension thing between them drove her crazy. Was it really only her who ever noticed this?

The elevator stopped and Grissom stepped out, grabbing her hand and dragging her out behind him.

They reached his room, entered and he closed the door behind them.

She turned around, wanting to say something, but she actually didn't know what.

He walked over to the mini bar, she knew that he wanted to get another drink. "You…you should get a shower. That would clear your head and…you wouldn't have such a bad headache tomorrow."

"I have painkillers against headache."

Suddenly he stood close to her. She could feel his breath on her skin. " A shower would clear up your head and…I mean you can barely stand on your feet! You really drank too much and…"

"…I wont shower."

She rolled with her eyes. _He's as stubborn as a little boy._ She began to take off his suit jacket.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking off your suit, you shouldn't shower with it. That's Armani, it's too expensive to wear it under a shower."

"I don't want to be the only one who has to take off his clothes.", he said softly, his hands slipping down her back, opening the zipper of her dress.

Before she could say or do anything to make him stop, his hands moved up again, slipping down the straps of her dress. They moved over her breasts, down to her stomach, softly dragging her dress downwards.

She swallowed hard, her heart bet fast, things happened so fast…sometimes she hated loosing control over things. She damned herself for being stupid enough to come up to his room with him. Even if she wouldn't regret this night…and even if he promised her to not regret it, she knew that he would…and she knew that the worst thing she could do to herself, to her heart, was sleeping with him in a situation in that he could blame something else for his actions.

When he began to kiss her neck she threw away all doubts. What did she really have to loose? She had the chance to spend the night with the only man she had ever loved…and even if it would be the only night she would ever spent with him, at least there had been this one night. No-one and nothing could ever take this away from her.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The bright light of the sun woke her up in the late morning hours. First she didn't know where she was, but then she remembered. But where was Grissom? Had he left? Had he just left her here alone? _I should have known!_

Then she heard how the bathroom door opened. She sat up, covering up her bare skin with the blanket.

"Good morning.", he said softly.

"Hey."

He cleared his throat and sat down on the bed next to her. They looked into each others eyes. She didn't know what to think, what to feel. There were butterflies in her stomach, she felt excited and scared, happy and sad…she wanted to smile and to cry. She could hear her heart beating. She swallowed hard, her eyes never letting go of his.

"I…", he looked down on the bed. "I…the last thing that I can remember is Conrad Ecklie talking to you and me leaning against the elevator's door….and when I wake up you're here in my bed…wearing…nothing. …Could you fill in the blanks?"

_I should have left him alone last night! I am so damned stupid!_ She bite down on her bottom lip. She could tell him that she also didn't know, but that would mean she'd have to tell him that shedrunk too much…and she had promised him to never do this again. "I…I just wanted to bring you up to your room, I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't drink anymore…you…I thought you really had too much and…Then you…when we were in here you walked over to the mini bar and wanted to drink even more. I told you to get a shower…you refused. I took off your suit jacket because I thought you'd probably kill me the next day when you'd find out that I made you shower in an Armani suit. And then…you said that you wouldn't want to be the only one who stripped and you opened the zipper of my dress without any warnings or so…and…you took off my dress, began to kiss me…and…then you dragged me over to the bed. Kissed almost every inch of my body… I…I told you that you would regret it. But you didn't stop. I…and then I reached the point where I told myself that…you know I mean…you…you know what I…feel for you."

He looked at her. She felt a cold shower running down her spine. She was shaking, scared that he'd want her to leave. "I knew you'd regret it."

"Sara…", he reached for her hand and took it into his. "The only thing that I regret is that I can't remember it clearly…I actually thought it was a dream and…you…I…", His other hand slipped up to her neck, he softly came closer to her. "Why are you shaking Honey?"

"I…" she couldn't speak, her voice was shaking too much.

"Hey…", he spoke softly. "I do not regret it. I…I don't know if I already told youthislast night, but…Sara I…", now his voice was shaking too. He made along pause. "You have to excuse this…I never did this before…I mean, telling a woman what I feel for her."

She nodded softly, it felt as if her heart had moved to her throat.

"Sara, you…mean so much more to me than you think you do.", he caressed her neck. "It's funny, that…this happened last night. I mean…my plan for the new year was to finally act on my feelings for you…I guess I did it two days too early…", he looked down on their hands. She had started to caress his hand softly with her thumb. "No…No, I did it years too late… I'm sorry for this. Sara… I love you.", he looked deep into her eyes. "I love you more than all the words in the world could say. Nothing can ever express how much I love you Sara."

He closed the gap between their lips, kissing her softly.

Her heart was literally jumping. She felt tears of joy rising up in her eyes. She felt so…relieved, lucky, happy…loved.

She softly pulled away from him. "I love you too.", she whispered into his ear.

Their eyes met once again. They smiled softly, looking into each others eyes for a couple of moments before they shared another passionate kiss.

**THE END**

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yeah...I know...fluff...OOC...but you have been warned :)

whatever you think of this fic...tell me if you like to :lol:


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